I remember my mother observing at some point in her 50s that it was her own generation that were starting to die. It became a sobering recollection when, a couple of years into my 50s, one of my schoolmates was struck down with cancer. I’ve come off comparatively lightly so far, with just a few new teeth and about to get new eyes. But the physical disintegration seemed to lend itself to the penning of this C&W ballad for the ageing.
.
Oh, life enters another stage
When you find yourself in middle age
And all your body starts to fall apart.
Your hair falls out, your teeth fall in;
No longer can you say you’re thin,
And then your GP warns about your heart!
Oh it’s hard to cope on the slippery slope
When each new day becomes a tougher toil,
You gotta laugh, not frown, as you’re sliding down,
Until it’s time to shuffle off this coil.
You up your plan for exercise
But still your butt increases size,
And now it’s hard to squeeze through every door.
All your joints begin to creak,
You swear your bladder’s sprung a leak,
And nothing seems to help your pelvic floor.
Men can feel their prostate changing,
Women’s boobs are rearranging,
Falling from their chest down to their waist.
Now you’re in the scanning schedule
(mammograms and poop); they said you’ll
Die much sooner if these things aren’t faced.
Chorus
Can’t recall your last erection
(Long before the bowel resection)
Now it seems you’ve almost lost all hope.
Surgery becomes the norm,
But still your body won’t perform
And now you’re really on that slippery slope.
One by one your friends start dropping
Off the twig when they start copping
All the things they thought they’d never know:
Melanomas and arthritis,
Strokes, dementia and phlebitis, (that’s inflamed veins, folks)
All the talk is “which way’s best to go?”
Chorus
[funereally]
“Let’s all mourn our dear departed
friend, who’s gone to worlds uncharted,
Now their earthly race is fully run.”
Cause of death was pages long –
The doctors feared to get it wrong, [pause, then a tempo]
And so they listed every single one.
Chorus
.
© Clare Pascoe 2019
Dadirri Life Melodies 